Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just gargled with NyQuil
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
