I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
