don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
