Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
