I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
