I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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