That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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