I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
