You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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