if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
