remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
