So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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