someone owes me an orgasm
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
