I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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