very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
