I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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