Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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