Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
