scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
