how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
