If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
