I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
