Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
