Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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