she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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