i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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