I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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