hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My dad just said "fuck circus"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
