we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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