i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
