I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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