I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
