Yo dont text me then not text me
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
