i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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