They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
