Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
