so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
