I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He felt like a one man threesome
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
