My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
