so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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