y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
