Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
