I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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