when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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