Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
