He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
