I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
