Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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