I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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