why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
