dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
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I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
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When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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