Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Randomize
