Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
