Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
