you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
