And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
