Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
