i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
