i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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