i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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