She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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