Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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