Kiss
Puke
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You ruined the universe
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
