Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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