why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
