I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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